


I forgot to tell you that I love you

by Nathaniel_KurtzbergAnciel



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-02 05:13:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17258195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nathaniel_KurtzbergAnciel/pseuds/Nathaniel_KurtzbergAnciel
Summary: English version of "J'ai oublie de te dire je t'aime", a story about Nathaniel Kurtzberg and Marc Anciel done by the lovely @vintage_american. Please be kind to her.The story has been completed on my end but I'm still releasing it in french.A 3 parts' storyFirst part : Nath - 10 chaptersNath tells his stories with Marc until the end of High school.Second Part : xxxx - 4 chaptersThird part : xxxx - 15 chaptersBonus : Venom - 3 chaptersAll characters belongs to their creators and aren't mine at all.





	1. Chapter 1




	2. Chapter 2




	3. Marc and me

 

_This is me before I met Marc, and before my life changed. I'm Nathaniel, but everybody calls me Nath. My friend Alix took this picture. She would always tell me that the 'bored-guy look' always fitted me best, and on this picture, the vacuity of my existence sweats through the pores of my skin. Did I ever look so disillusioned than on this picture ? My classmates loved it so much when I made this face, they would bet on different ways to make me react and do the bored look._

_At the time, I was 14 and I was a normal middle school student, a little shy but full of dreams (Yeah okay not on this picture, I grant it. But it doesn't count ! I had an inspiration breakdown that day). I didn't talk much, and didn't have many friends, just my classmates with who I got along really well with. But the popularity, was not what I was looking for. I was kinda lonely, and I loved to get lost in my fictional universes. Some, like Chloé Bourgeois for example, liked to make fun of me because of that. It hurt in the beginning, but with time, I learned how to ignore them, I convinced myself that these guys must have had a miserable life if they had time to waste laughing at other people's expense._

_Almost every day after school, I went to take refuge in room 33 with some other classmates. Room 33 was the lair of every artist in the school. You could come to :_

  1. _Play and write music : that was more Juleka's and Rose's thing. They had a rock band with Yvan and Juleka's older brother : Luka. The two girls would always take a little advantage of their time to flirt, far away from others' looks in the yard, however right in front of us (it would stay discreet.)_
  2. _Make clothes or accessories : that's for Marinette, our fashion queen._
  3. _Draw or paint : Alix, she is an expert in street art. Since she couldn't use the city's walls for her projects, she took refuge here. I, on the other hand, "only" drew superhero comics._
  4. _Every other art form ..._



_We were all amateurs, but as long as we had an interesting art project, the door stood open._

_Back then, I had an idol, Ladybug, Paris' savior. Several times, I got to see her in action, and she even saved me from an akumatization. I had become Evillustrator : my superhero alter ego that I had created. Except here, I was a super villain more or less under Hawkmoth's control. Since then, every day, I dreamed and drew her adventures. I have to say, it was more interesting then Miss Mendeliev's chemistry lessons._

_Today, after all these years, I haven't changethat much, physically, I grew up a bit (not that much though, and in fact, thatbothers me a bit, so let's just say I matured) but my life, it has changed alot since Marc's arrival. I will always remember my school years in Françoise Dupont's academy with a lot of nostalgia and love. Everything was so simple. Itwas only Marc and me, and the rest of the world didn't exist. We were carefree.Careful ! I'm not saying life's not simple anymore, only, it's different. I'ma bout to become a college student. The adult problems and responsibilities are coming and childhood is leaving us little by little. Paris has become a dangerous city, because the akumas are still here, and more vindictive than ever._

 

  _This adorable angel face is Marc, the man of my life, except I didn't know that back then. Our first encounter has been a real adventure. At that time, I was drawing for the school website and I wanted to create a comic book series about Ladybug, but I wasn't that great at telling stories (I'm still not by the way, my narrative talent stops where my cynicism takes over, and it's huge). This is when Marc appeared in the art room, one day, with his notebook hidden within his red hoodie. he was shy and stuttering. He was kinda tall and thin (taller than me, and that always bothered me, I grant it). I remember his androgynous and almost feminine look, his big green eyes and his lips covered with make up. An impressing character. Sparkling and discreet at the same time. He complimented me on my drawings with his small voice, and it's true that, come to think of it, when giving him an answer, I unconsciously tried to "act like a man" to make him comfortable with the class, and also to thank him for his compliments. It was ridiculous, because usually, I'm not the most comfortable person on earth either to start a conversation._

_We were young, and one of our classmate, Marinette, felt it was a good idea to play the matchmaker. She called it : Operation Comic Book. The result was disastrous. After class, she told me to meet her at Place des Vosges so I could meet the author of a mysterious notebook telling Ladybug's adventures that she gave me earlier that day. Of course, I imagined that it was Ladybug who wrote it, because Marinette had wanted to stay elusive concerning its author. She erased the name off the first page. She was pretty proud of her little trick. My disappointment on the other hand was huge when I didn't see Ladybug but a hooded Marc sitting on the edge of the fountain, waiting for me. I felt humiliated and betrayed. Then, Marc got akumatized, and Paris almost ended up under a rain of trash cans coming from space. Now, I laugh about it ... A rain of trash cans coming from space ! It doesn't make any sense. But at the time, it was a real struggle, because Ladybug and Chat Noir were under Reverser's control (it was Marc's name after being akumatized) and they could no longer use their powers. So, Alix and me had to help them getting everything back to normal._

_The few years we shared together, him and me, were amazing, full of moments that I will carefully keep engraved in my heart. Since when did he know he was going to leave ? How long did he wear this mask, this smile ? I didn't see anything. He hadn't left any clue about his future departure. Apparently, he didn't tell anyone. Everybody was surprised when I told them. But did some of them feint surprise ? I don't know what to believe anymore._

_Now, Marc isn't here anymore. He left the morning after our high school's party without a word and every day, I miss him a bit more. I'd like to say that I hate him, that it's over between us, that I don't wanna see him anymore, but it's impossible. I love him too much for that. So much that I can't imagine my life without him. Yet, I'll have to get used to that fact. Marc isn't here anymore. He's gone. He hadn't told me anything. I know he didn't leave me because he didn't love me anymore. He loved me (he still loves me ?) so much. He was desperate. I was desperate. I am desperate without him. He loved me with so much passion that he would have entirely devoured me if he could've : my body, my heart, my soul and I would've given it to him, I would still give it to him if he came back. He gave me so much. So much happiness, so much love ..._

_My mother told me why he left. She met him early that morning, when he was about to leave the apartment, crying. And I could understand the reason, but what I didn't understand is why he hadn't told me anything, and especially why he removed every means to communicate with him. He had simply blocked me everywhere. But I have to respect his will. So I shut myself into sadness. I just asked one thing of my friends, not to talk about him in front of me._

_He left his notebook behind. Was it an oversight, or was it deliberate ... It's not really important anymore. I can't and I don't want to throw it away so I decided to keep it as a memory, not to forget him ... Life was so simple with him, and the moments spent together were so gentle, so happy. It fills me with nostalgia. I can't help but smile and feel good every time I think about our shared private little moments. It was only us, and the rest of the world didn't exist. We traveled with our comics and we created adventures ... It was the good old days. So, I thought I could use this notebook like a diary and write down our memories to keep them like a precious treasure and somehow, keep this connection between us._

_Inside the notebook, there are some texts Marc was working on, along the lines of some of my old drawings, and when I read them again, I can see all the affection he had for me, the care he took to write his feelings down on the paper. Reading certain paragraphs even bring tears to my eyes. How silly was I to not notice all of that earlier. He cherished me silently. He was so in love and I too was really attached to him. I struggled a lot to turn that page and to untie myself from my fears to fully embrace our relationship, but I'm keeping that for later._

_There are also some pages teared out and clumsily taped back. Those whom I tore apart when we first met, when I thought I was finally going to meet Ladybug. Marc didn't do anything wrong, but just because my heart was smitten with Ladybug, Paris' savior, I really was horrible that day. I still blame myself a little. Why did I scream at him ? I've really been a fool. He wanted us to be friends, to draw and write together, and I coldly rejected him. Once again, I wanted to act "like a man" and I abused his frailty when in fact, I wasn't that different from him. I assume I was just more proud than him ... or more skin-deep. It has to be said that there was already Chloé who was unbearable and who constantly made fun of everyone, but we couldn't do anything against her, the result being that Marc received all of my frustration and ended up transforming into Reverser._

_Anyway, I don't know where it'll lead me, but I hope that by writing and filling up the pages of this notebook, I'll feel lighter._

_Now, I'm 18 and at the beginning of next school year, I'm starting my studies in a design school. My partner being gone, to keep creating comic books is not an option. But art and drawing are part of me, and I can't bring myself to fully stop. So, at the last moment, I decided to head to fashion and to become a stylist. I'm going to study with Marinette, who helped me at the last minute so I could enter the same courses as her and who knows, maybe we'll end up by working together. Marinette and Adrien think my costume designs are interesting and that it's worth to try. So, why not ? I chose an option to learn advertisement creation just in case I don't like design and otherwise, I can always try to expose my works in art galleries to get people to know me and to earn a bit of money. After all, my name is already known a little thanks to the (non-finished) comic books series that Marc and me were making. My future isn't all drawn up, but is far away from the one I imagined a few months ago, and knowing I will spend it alone, without you, terrifies me._

_My old classmates are still around, of course. We stayed a tight group, so much that we're still sharing private jokes between us on What's App, even if our paths are inevitably splitting apart because of our different study domains. But without Marc, it's not the same anymore. It's like a part of me faded. In the few weeks of his absence, life has become heavier, more boring, duller, as if everything became gray. Even Alix says I'm turned off since he's gone. Yet, before he came into my life, I could live and breath normally, so why is it different today ... Why do I feel like I'm suffocating ?_

_I didn't think I would write so much for a first time, but it seems like there are a lot more things I buried in my heart than I imagined. I don't know if I'll be consistent, but it's an exercise that puts balm on my heart._

_Sadly, I don't write as good as you Marc, but I will try to be careful and to do my best. In the meantime, I think I'm going to quit here, because tears are starting to drip too much and I can't see clear anymore. I should go to sleep, I'm waking up early tomorrow._

_I miss you Marc. Kiss._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!
> 
> What's up? So here is the first chapter of my fic. I hope it's not to bad. Please let us some feedback to improve. I hope you'll like it. Sorry I'm super bad with communication.
> 
> The fic is already fully written in french and just need a translator and a proofreader to be accessible to everyone. 
> 
> You can find me on twitter : Yamazaki_Sou


	4. Comic Book

_It's been almost a year since Marc is gone. And almost a year since I haven't written in this notebook. This year passed a lot faster than I thought it would. Too fast. Becoming a student, an adult and being independent is more difficult to live with than you could think. And it’s terrifying too. We're more free, our parents are no longer behind us, that's true, but we have to think of everything, by our self. I am now in a great Design School in Paris and I study alongside with Marinette and Alix. We're known as the Infernal Trio. I have to say, we already had a little reputation before we even entered the school. Alix was known for her huge wall paintings. She created a team, so she could make more ambitious projects. On a personal level, she's apparently seeing someone, but she refuses to tell me anything. That's insane ! She's my best friend and she's not telling me anything ! Well, maybe she's taking revenge, since I didn't say anything about Marc. Concerning Marinette, she got promoted since high school's prom for the end of the year. Everyone only talks about her as the future fashion queen, supported by the great Gabriel Agreste and by the high fashion priestess and mother of Chloe, Audrey Bourgeois. And as for me, everyone is still asking when the next issue of Ladybug's adventures will be released._

_If Marc would have been there, I would have been the happiest man on earth, and the most enthusiastic to talk about it. And I would probably not be in this school. I would still be full of motivation to illustrate his scripts, but now this question stabs my heart like a dagger. Every time, I have to act like nothing happened, so, I just say that, for the moment, we're busy with our studies. And that we'll continue when we'll have free time. But it's a lie. We'll probably ... well, we certainly really won't continue our series, we'll never be able to put a last full-stop. We left our readers with a huge cliffhanger which will never find answers. And our comic book, is like a metaphor of my story with Marc. I neither will never have answers. But meanwhile, for the readers and the fans, I have to make a distraction._

_Since I met Marc in middle school, my life has taken a very unexpected turn. After the events that followed his akumatization, we immediately worked things up and settled to write this comic book about Ladybug and Chat Noir's Adventures. Marc ended up leaving the stairs where he liked to take refuge to come work alongside me in the art room. After a few weeks, we made a first issue, only for people in our middle school. Available in room 33, and also in the library. I thought everything would end once we're done with this project, that our lives would go back to normal. But life, you know ! The feedbacks were very positive. Everyone seemed to love it, so Marc and me, we thought we could take advantage of the beginning of this reputation to continue a bit more, to make it work and create a little series with a few episodes. Somehow, the comic book was really an excuse ... To see each other and spend some time together. Thanks to Ladybug and Marinette, I found a real friend (Alix is still my best friend but there are some things guys can't share with girls, sorry). I was floating on a small cloud and I didn't want that to come to an end._

_We kept seeing each other in room 33 after school to plan a plot we could quickly finish. It became my favorite moment in the day. Goodbye school's dullness and boredom and hello mysterious Paris full of super villains that Marc and I loved to portray. The meetings after school started to last longer and we were looking for new excuses to see each other more often._

_I came at my place, I went at yours. We worked on our comic book, we made our homework, we listened to music. You had diner at my place, I had diner at yours. We watched movies, we played video games. You slept at my place, I slept at yours. We went to school together in the morning. We were indivisible. When we weren't in room 33, we were together in the dining hall or in the library. We worked on different scripts that we had invented and we read articles about Ladybug and Chat Noir. We also watched videos from the Ladyblog, as well as television reports, and I was looking for references in comic books and mangas available. Over the weekend, we explored the city together to find unusual places which could be used as settings for Ladybug and Chat Noir's battles. Small alleys, the Seine River's banks, the sewage, disused buildings, the catacombs. I listed everything. Paris' guts didn't have secrets anymore for me. You, weren't fond of these trips, always worried we would break the law, get arrested, wind up with weird men or get hurt in dangerous places, but you still followed me and I already imagined myself protecting you and you smiled. You trusted me. During every break between classes, we liked to meet in the school's stairs. I was mesmerized by your writing. You always had thousands of ideas about settings, super villains, costumes and super powers. Over time, I think I became your first fan, just like you admired me without me knowing._

_Our comic books issues quickly followed one another, because we were so motivated and carried by our desire to spend time with each other. I felt like I had wings. We quickly became really popular. Especially and strangely among girls, who always stared at us from the corner of their eyes with a mischievous look. I smelled a rat. We had become cool guys, it was absolute. So much that Alya ended up asking us if we wanted to collaborate with her once in a while on her Ladyblog : the ultimate reference for Ladybug and Chat Noir’s fans. I illustrated some of her reports and Marc corrected and edited certain passages. Alya really was the reckless one in the group. She never hesitated to put herself in danger to be able to get exclusive videos with the battles of Ladybug and Chat noir and, later, their new sidekicks : Rena Rouge, Carapace and Queen Bee. Her blog was so popular and provided with news about our superheroes and their track of Hawkmoth, that sometimes, she would sell the rights of her images to certain televisions who used them to illustrate their reports during the newscast. She told us she wanted to be a reporter later in life. And maybe her wish will come true, because now, Miss Cesaire is studying in a great journalism school and is already doing internships in some great media offices in the capital._

_Anyway, working on her blog helped us a lot. We were able to advertise people about our comic book and cross the framework of school. We decided to create our own website where we published exclusive content : illustrations, tiny step by step, livestreams, interviews, etc … We advertised people for the Ladyblog and Alya did the same for us. We also took advantage of it to create an online shop where we sold the issues of our comic books that were available and every exclusive illustrations we made. We got even more popular. Thus, we got invited in pop culture conventions : TV series, anime, comic books. It was crazy, tons of people lined up to get a copy of our series or to meet us. They asked us autographs, people took pictures with us and congratulated us. Marc and I felt embarrassed, because we weren’t heroes … We were only two kids and we told our vision of Paris’ super heroine and symbol. What if Ladybug and Chat Noir didn’t like that ? We would have felt so bad, it would have been a huge shame. Girls from our school came to see us too. That made them laughed, but it also showed us that they supported us and that really touched us. It meant a lot for us._

_We were always busy during weekends. And when it wasn’t a convention, Kim invited us to sport events where he participated. I think he loved to show up with the authors of the comic book about Ladybug. It was crazy ! And without Marc, I would have never lived and achieve that. Our popularity couldn’t stop growing and selling all of these comics allowed us to earn some pocket money. Thanks to that, I got to buy a new graphic tablet and Marc took advantage of it to buy a new computer and a new notebook although the one he’d hardly completed the one he was using. He’d rather write by hand than using a keyboard. He said it was easier for him to put pen to paper then to type it. He preferred to write, cross, erase, start again, but always keep a record of what he did to see the changes and improvements. So, he gave me the computer. He told me the tablet would work well with it._

_Now, the website is taking a break and the shop is closed. It’s still accessible, but it’s only a record from the past. I have to say, I haven’t logged on it since Marc is gone. There are probably new comments waiting for validation, but I’m not strong enough to read them._

_Our teenage years passed in a blur and soon, it was the end of high school without us realizing. Spending time together had become a habit. Going to the other’s house had become a habit. Other people took the habit to see us together, as if it was something normal, because it was something normal. To see us split up created questions, worrying around us. Like we couldn’t live without each other. Back then, we laughed about it, especially me. Now, the irony makes it unbearable to live without Marc. And I really feel miserable._

_After all this time spent without him, I don’t want to forget Marc, obviously, but I don’t want people to remind me he’s not here anymore either. Every time, the pain is way too harsh, and the girls always have to cheer me up at the end. That’s also why they never talk about him in front of me, even if I know they’re still in contact with him. Apparently, he sends them pictures of where he is and what he is doing. Pictures that they’d like to share with me. I know he’s also still in contact with the Couffaine, well mainly with Luka. Just to think about it, somehow, it breaks my heart. But I prefer to not ask anything, because I respect Marc’s choice, even if it’s painful. I don’t really go on social media anymore because I’m scared to find something I don’t want to see. Knowing he’s somewhere else, peaceful, happy hurt me way too much and brings me back to my own misery._

_Going out with me changed Marc a lot. I mean, in a good way. Before, he was quite introverted and shy. We spent a lot of time taming each other. We trusted each other really quickly. We easily understood and confessed to each other. Then, he gained confidence in private. I think that before going out with me, Marc kept in him this fear that one day I would reject him if I discovered his feelings towards me. When I think again about it, Marc never really did an official coming-out. He never told me he liked boys, and we never really talked about it together. But was it really needed ? Even if he talked about it, it wouldn’t have changed anything between us. I was patient with me, he moved slowly, carefully because he was afraid he’d rush me or I’d reject him but I was totally seduced by his character. Marc is unique. Marc and I, together, it was obvious, something natural that we couldn’t deny. And the girls understood it way before we did. By observing us so much, they had been insightful about the connection between Marc and me, and even if we tried to stay as discreet as possible about our relationship, they were already convinced and knew that we were a couple. And I got confirmation during a party at Marinette’s place. I don’t know exactly what they saw. These little acts between us, maybe a stolen kiss._

_Of course, back then, I was afraid too : afraid of the others, afraid of how my parents would react. Because I was a boy, with a boy, and I thought I liked girls. I felt like I was living in a sin. Life made our paths cross each other, first for the worst, but then for the best. We acted little by little, especially Marc. He took my hand and guided me. Marc is an angel, my angel._

_It’s getting late and I should go to sleep. Tomorrow is a long day._

_Marc, I think of you every day. Xoxo._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!
> 
> I'm back with the second chapter of this fic. I hope you like it. 
> 
> At one point, Nath says he wouldn't study design and marketing in the chapter if Mark was there. And it's true! I think I've already mentioned it in the first chapter. 
> 
> My thoughts are when he will finish high school, he should enter the famous french school of animation "Les Gobelins". But in the fic, I chose a path where he suffers quite a lot. 
> 
> Thank you forst the first positive reviews. It makes me really happy. And if you ever want to get spoiled on what's happening in the future chapters, you can check the french version :  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/17258195/chapters/40584611
> 
> I hope we (with my friend who translated it) will be able to release it weekly. We still have 30 chapters to work on and revise. 
> 
> The fic is already fully written in french and just need a translator and a proofreader to be accessible to everyone.
> 
> You can find me on twitter : Yamazaki_Sou


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